Friday, October 22, 2010

Marvel Comics: The Toronto Raptors Need Sasquatch and A Gay Superhero

Recently, the NBA teamed up with Marvel Comics to produce these playful novelty NBA-inspired comic covers. Every team got their own cover, and yes - you are looking at the Toronto Raptors cover.

If you don't know what exactly you're supposed to be looking at, allow me to break it down for you. Before you is the starting 5 for your Raptors - minus Linas Kleiza and Reggie Evans - or at least according to Marvel's adaptation.

Using our pathetic defensive performance last season as justification, Marvel has decided to generously go out of their way to help us out. At centre, we have an 8 feet tall monster (literally). Yup - that's the friggen Canadian Sasquatch. I can dig it. His freakishly 20 foot long wingspan will come in handy when providing the much needed help defense that Bargs lacks. I'm loving the headband look on him by the way, not to wipe the sweat though, but obviously to keep his ears warm from the deadly Canadian blizzards.

And to play the passing lanes, the speedy Marvel superhero Northstar - one of the first openly gay superheroes to appear in American comics. Aside from being known as one of the most controversial comic book characters to have come out of Marvel studios, Northstar is also known for his ability to travel superhuman speed. Seven seconds or less offense? Psshh. That's nothing. The fact that he somewhat resembles Kurt from Glee gives it bonus points.

As for the more famous comic book characters in the back? Well obviously, they have no clue who these guys are...But that makes sense. Peter Parker's never come off to me as a sports guy, The Thing is still trumped by the last time the Raptors bounced the Knicks from the playoffs, The Hulk is not sure what basketball even is, New York native The Human Torch is upset Lebron opted for a different kind of Heat, while Wolverine (though Canadian) is clearly one of those "Hockey Guys".

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